KERRY SAYS:
Dear May the Force Be With You,
This is what I think you should do. First, I’d have a sit down conversation with your mother. Tell her all your feelings, from A-Z, what your experience has been with her new husband. Then ask her opinion. In other words, does your mom see his behavior as being reasonable or irrational and mean and, moreover, does she feel your own behavior warrants this kind of discipline? Next, tell your step dad that you’d like to have a conversation over an important matter and when would be a good time? When you have his full attention express your feelings to him, just as you did with your mother, but remember to stay in control and not put him on the defense by yelling and blaming. Ask him what problems he may be finding in your behavior. Once you‘re on the same page, ask if you can both respect each other boundaries, try being more patient and tolerant and more forgiving…to loosen up on the reigns to give you the benefit of the doubt and to trust you. In the end, though, you cannot control his behaviors; you can only control your reaction to his behaviors. As of now, your reactions do not serve you so learn that you might possibly have to accept his irrational behavior and, while he might disappoint you, you will not let it destroy you. Reminder the best part though, you are almost 18 and on your way to college…go far away!
JACQUELINE SAYS
Dear Ousted,
The stress for you, your mom and your step father must be overwhelming. Your mother lost her husband. That alone is devastating. Although your step father will never fill you father’s shoes, your mother was lucky enough to fall in love with someone else. And it is hard to know his side of the story. Perhaps he feels closed out by you or unaccepted. Perhaps he feels you are rejecting him. I’m not there so all I know is what your letter says. I am certainly not negating your feelings of loss over your father. It is a terribly hard thing to have to go through for all involved. Nonetheless, I believe you should not be the victim of your mother’s insensitivity-- or so that is how it appears here. The fact that your stepfather is coming into your life and laying the ground rules at this stage of the game seems odd. Have you given him a reason for him doing so? Again, these things I do not know. I agree entirely with Kerry: If you want to be treated like an adult, my advice would be a sit-down talk with your mother and stepfather, separately, expressing in a sane, adult way your side of the story. And I really agree with Kerry on this: The good news is you’re almost 18, and can move out!
